The Deck of All Too Many Things
A deck of all too many things is usually found in a box or leather pouch. Each deck contains a number of cards or plaques made of any concievable material. Each is engraved with glyphs, characters, and sigils. As soon as one of these cards is drawn from the pack, its magic is bestowed upon the person who drew it, for better or worse.
The character with a deck of all too many things who wishes to draw a card must announce how many cards they will draw before they begin. Cards must be drawn within rapid succession, and a character may only choose to draw any amount of cards from the deck 1/week. If the character does not willingly draw their allotted number (or if they are somehow prevented from doing so), the cards flip out of the deck on their own, and take effect as best as possible. Any attempts to draw specific cards will result in random cards being draw, even deific will cannot alter the random drawing of a card from the Deck of All Too Many things. Likewise, no effect of any sort can provide insight as to which precise cards will be drawn at any given time.
Each time a card is taken from the deck, it is replaced (making it possible to draw the same card twice). A deck of all too many things contains 54 cards. To simulate the magic cards, you may want to use tarot cards, as indicated in the second column of the accompanying table. If no tarot deck is available, substitute ordinary playing cards instead, as indicated in the third column. The effects of each card, summarized on the table, are fully described below.
A Deck of All Too Many Things can be identified as easily as any other magic item, but it's precise effects are not revealed in it's identification.
Instead all that is revealed is that it is the Deck of All Too Many Things, a powerful artifact with random life changing effects.
A character may attempt a Knowledge (Arcana), (History), or (Religion) check in order to gain more information about the Deck itself. A DC 19 check reveals that this deck contains 54 or so cards, each with a different life-altering effect. For every individual point that the character beats the DC by, the learn the effect of 1 single card.
Effects in Detail
♠ Spades ♠
Character is vexed by fate. The next 1d3+1 rolls of importance are treated as a natural 1. For some checks, such as most skill checks, this is not automatic failure. A roll of importance is at the DM's discretion, but generally should be anything that isn't an obvious attempt to circumvent this penalty. (A DM may choose to roll this number secretly.)
Character is robbed for 25% of their material wealth. This is any amount of trade goods, coins, gems, jewels, artwork, or mundane financial gear. Functional gear is left unaffected. There is no prevention of this loss.
Character losses on of their senses or capabilities. Roll 1d6.
1- Character is Blind.
2- Character is Deaf.
3- Character loses Scent, suffers -4 to Survival checks.
4- Character is completely numb, -4 to Dexterity.
5- Character is Mute.
6- Roll twice. (This can stack with itself.)
Note: The Golem, unlike other Cards, is not a true alteration of Fate. It imparts a powerful hex on the character who draws it, but it can be removed. A Break Enchantment, or similar, effect may be used in attempt to negate the effect of the Golem Card. The caster using this effect must make a Caster check against a DC 30, or the hex remains. Spells like Remove Blindness/Deafness cannot overcome this hex.
Character contracts a horrific supernatural disease despite any immunities they might have.
Character loses a random limb or body part. Roll 1d6.
2- Left Arm
3- Left Leg
4- Right Leg
5- Right Arm
6- Roll twice. (This can stack with itself.)
7♠ Lady Luck's 1st Beast
Not only does the character suffer a specific penalty, they may choose what this card does to the next unfortunate soul to draw it. This chosen effect must be a penalty of some sort.
(Current Effect: Lose all concept of Gender.)
Lose a single Spell-per-day-Slot (or similar) of the Highest currently available to the character. If this is not possible, character loses 2 Base Attack Bonus. This can leave a character with a negative BAB.
Character becomes inconveniently incorporeal, they cannot directly interact with the world around them.
Note: The Wraith, unlike other Cards, is not a true alteration of Fate. It imparts a powerful hex on the character who draws it, but it can be removed. A Break Enchantment, or similar, effect may be used in attempt to negate the effect of the Wraith Card. The caster using this effect must make a Caster check against a DC 30, or the hex remains. Spells like Plane Shift cannot overcome this hex.
Character is under the impression they have drawn the Moon Card, and are granted 1d3 wishes, which they must take on the spot. These wishes are horribly corrupted yet granted. Once the character makes their final wish they are made aware that they drew the Djinn card.
Character loses 1d4+1 Magical or Expensive possessions. If the character has insufficient possessions, they are branded as ruined, and find that others will not trust them financially.
Character suffers a -2 penalty to all Saves.
Character is targeted immediately by an Imprisonment effect, without the luxury of a saving throw or spell resistance.
Character never existed before this moment, and is otherwise utterly obliviated from all history and memory. They simply never were. Nothing short of direct divine intervention can save such a character. (The Fate Card may be used in this instance.)
♡ Hearts ♡
Character must choose a very difficult vow to uphold, and is marked with an effect similar to Mark of Justice to maintain this vow. If they fail they suffer a -6 to all Ability Scores. As long as this character maintains their vow, they gain a +2 to Will Saves.
Note: Luxuria, unlike other Cards, is not a true alteration of Fate. It imparts a powerful hex on the character who draws it, but it can be removed. A Break Enchantment, or similar, effect may be used in attempt to negate the effect of the Luxuria Card. The caster using this effect must make a Caster check against a DC 30, or the hex remains. This hex removal also removes the +2 bonus to Will Saves.
Character is struck down by a supernatural hunger. Roll 1d4.
1- Character gains the Vampire Template.
2- Character gains the Ghoul Template.
3- Character gains the Therianthrope Template.
4- Character gains the Gigantic Template.
Alternative Rules for Template progression may be advisable here, such as those found here may be advisable.
Character gains possession of an ally's personal belonging of their choice. The ally is supernaturally unaware of this theft for the duration of 1 week, after which they are made aware of the effect. Whether or not the item is returned is not part of this effect.
Character sleeps deeply for 1d4+2 days. Once they awaken, their HP is fully restored, and all status conditions are removed as if Heal was cast on them by a L.30 Caster. This cannot return a dead character to life, but it functions as a Harm effect on Undead. (That is, it still functions as a Heal effect; as in it removes status conditions.)
This unnatural deep sleep can be disturbed with a Break Enchantment, or similar, effect. The caster using this effect must make a Caster check against a DC 30, or the sleep remains. If the sleeper is awoken, they do not benefit from the healing effects of this card.
Character is now holding a random cursed weapon of berserking.
Roll for base weapon on "Table 7-10 Weapon Type Determenation" on page 222 in the DMG. Or come up with something interesting on the spot. Either way, roll 1d4. The weapon has an enhancement bonus equal to the amount rolled. It also has the Berserking curse effect, as the Berserking Sword.
7♡ Lady Luck's 2nd Exchange
Not only does the character find themselves making a curious exchange, they may choose what this card does to the next star-crossed soul to draw it. This chosen effect must be an exchange of some sort.
(Current Effect: Pay 5 gold for a mystery item.)
Character loses on of their powers, either a spell, spell-like ability, extraordinary ability, or if need be, a feat or proficiency. This power is picked up by one of their allies at random (best if someone in their party). This exchange of power lasts for 1 week.
Character's highest ability score increases by 3, as all their other ability scores are reduced by 1. This change is not an bonus or penalty of any kind, it's a pure and simple increase and decrease.
Character gains a single token of fortune. This token can be activated as an immediate action, providing the character with an immediate success on their current saving throw. However, their next saving throw of importance will be a perfect failure. This token cannot be sold or traded away by any means.
Character may exchange an item they have for an random equivalent variation of a similar item.
E.g. Minor Wondrous item for a different Minor Wondrous Item, Major Magical Weapon of a Major Magical Weapon, Alchemical Good for Alchemical good, mundane garbage for mundane garbage, and so on.
Characte gains the services of a random powerful outsider, but at a price, for which the outsider may be negotiated with over.
Character's base race is permanently altered. If need for a table, roll on reincarnation table.
Character is marked by fate. At any 1 point they may offer a sacrifice to the Fates in order to avoid any 1 situation they find themselves in. The Fates do not negotiate, they either accept or do not the offer. If the offer is not accepted, this mark is not wasted on this attempt.
♢ Diamonds ♢
2♢ Two of Coins
Character gains 1d6 × 1,000 GP in coins, jewels, and gems at their feet.
3♢ Three of Cups
Character gains a fitted bandoleer, complete with 1d4+1 consumables, either Potions, Oils, or various Alchemical goods.
4♢ Four of Arrows
Character gains a well crafted quiver, or similar device, fashioned with 50 rounds of an ammunition of their choosing with a random magical enhancement.
5♢ Five of Pentacles
Character gains a fine scroll-case, complete with 1d4 scrolls.
6♢ Six of Rods
Character gains a quality holster equipped with 1d3 random wands.
7♢ Lady Luck's 3rd Gift.
Not only does the character find themselves receiving a fortuitous gift, they may choose what this card does to the next lucky soul to draw it. This chosen effect must be a gift or boon of some sort.
(Current Effect: Gains an Ares Thunderstruck Gauss Rifle.)
8♢ Eight of Shields
Character gains 1 random magical shield or armor.
9♢ Nine of Swords
Character gains 1 random magical weapon.
Character gains a +4 miscellaneous bonus any one Craft, Perform, or Profession skill of their choosing.
Character gains an official writ of nobility, and a sign of their rank (e.g. a masterwork weapon, a steed, a masterwork shield with coat of arms, an amulet of worth, and so on). This writ and sign are awarded from a random nearby society, and may be anything as simple as a small guild of cheese-makers, or as grandiose as the Pantheon of the Gods.
Character gains a powerful artifact known as a Scroll of Truth. This artifact may be read as an immediate action, granting the character a true answer to any question that may be posed to it. This insight is unquestionably valid, and is usually not terribly cryptic. Once it is read, the Scroll of Truth is consumed.
Character gains 1 random Wondrous Item.
Character gains 1d3 wishes. However they must make these wishes upon receiving this card. They cannot save them for later.
♣ Clubs ♣
Player and DM both roll 5d6. If the player's result is higher, the character gains the difference between the two rolls as gems worth 100 GP each. If the DM's result is higher, the player owes a powerful figure a debt equal to the difference × 100 GP.
3♣ Pumpkin Eater
A card from the deck is given at random to the three nearest characters to the character who drew the Pumpkin Eater. Each character draws their own card, in effect. There is no other effect to the character who drew the Pumpkin Eater.
4♣ Frog Prince
Character must choose a performance skill test, after which a random outsider is summoned to compete against the character. If the character succeeds, they gain a golden masterwork instrument, tool, or trinket for their efforts. If outsider succeeds, the character is irrevocably struck mute and suffers a -3 penalty to the skill they tested for.
5♣ Sprat Family
Character may gain a vulnerability or a resistance to a random element.
01-50- Vulnerability (Suffer 1.5× Damage from Element Source).
51-00- Resistance (Character ignores 2×Their HD from Element Source).
6♣ Jack's Candle
Character chooses any of their skills. Player and DM both roll 1d8. If the Player's result is higher, the character gains a miscellaneous bonus on their skill of choice equal to the difference. If the DM's result is higher, the character suffers a miscellaneous penalty on their skill of choice equal to the difference.
7♣ Lady Luck's 4th Challenge
Not only does the character find themselves making a perilous gamble, they may choose what this card does to the next promising soul to draw it. This chosen effect must be a win/lose gamble of some sort.
(Current Effect: Pick a number between 1-10, ((DM rolls 1d10 secretly)). If correct gain a Phoenix Down; A consumable worth 30,000 GP that functions as a True Resurrection. If wrong character is cursed to never wear clothing, ever. A Break Enchantment, or similar, effect may be used in attempt to negate the effect of this Lady Luck's 4th Challenge Card. The caster using this effect must make a Caster check against a DC 30, or the hex remains.)
8♣ Crooked Man
Character gains the blessing of Stone.
1- Character is Petrified despite immunities.
2- Character is partially petrified. They suffer 1d6 Dexterity Burn, but gain an 1d8 Slam Natural weapon. Anything that resores petrification negates this Dexterity Burn but removes the Slam attack.
3- Character's skin pushes out semi-precious stones. Character suffers 2d6 Constitution Damage, but gains 1d8+1 random semi-precious stones.
4- Character gains a pile of gems. The character gains 3d6+3 random gemstones.
9♣ Turnip Clock
Character gains an odd magical weapon. Which may or may not be cursed. If the weapon is cursed, it is cursed in such a fashion that no identification process short of a Scroll of Truth can reveal that it is so until it is used, and even so, it carries the Delusion effect, convincing it's wielder that it is not cursed.
01-50- Magical Weapon
51-00- Cursed Weapon.
Character is sent immediately to a random location on a random plane.
Shuffle this card and any others back into the deck. Character draws again twice.
Character is the target of a random spell. If this spell has any duration longer than instant, it's duration is 1 week. It the duration is instant, but not damage, the spell randomly targets the character throughout the next week. If the spell is instant, and is purely damage, this damage cannot be removed for 1 week. Caster level is 30. There is no saving throw.
Regardless of the effect, the character cannot recover from it until 1 week passes, after which if they are still effected by the spell for any reason, it can be negated as per normal. (I.e. Stone to Flesh after a petrification spell, Restore Blindness after a Blinding spell, and so on).
Character is seated at a table with 1d4 random powerful outsiders or gods. The game of chance is decided by the table, by majority vote. Tie broken by single-shot rock-paper-scissors. Character initiates what is being gambled on. After the game, short of any curious winnings (life, service, etc.) all participants are returned to where they were when this card was drawn.
Character must fight a difficult monster (CR +1) alone. If they defeat this monster, they gain a level or powerful artifact. If they are defeated, they suffer True Death, an effect that overcomes immunity to Death Effects and can only be overcome by a True Resurrection effect.
Character gains +2 to a random ability score; shuffle and redraw a new card.
Character loses -2 to a random ability score; shuffle and redraw a new card.